I'm so lost

i want to die. Only reason im trying to stay alive is for my mom... I don’t want to cause her any pain since she didnt get over her parent’s and brother death... but at the same time her life would be way better if she didn’t have me... she wouldn’t have most of the problems that she does have rn, she wouldn’t be with my dad and she could be living making more money in NY... i don't want to hurt my mom with my death but at the same time i do know that i will be able to help her with my death